I’ve been talking to some moms lately who wonder if it’s okay to contribute to the economics of their households. I’m not even talking about being gone from home all day. I’m talking about working from home.
A few biblical passages come to mind...
The Proverbs 31 woman had kids, and she sold belts and bought a vineyard from her own checkbook. Though well-to-do, she still contributed to the family income. Centuries later, when Paul described the ideal of older women teaching younger women “to be workers at home” (Titus 2), he was speaking to a culture in which about 85 percent of “industry” happened in the domicile. People knew no such thing as a factory worker and a stay-at-home mom. Both husband and wife shared the jobs of stay-at-home parent and worker. Both raised kids, taught kids, and participated in industry.
People did ironworks or basket weaving or meat curing or whatever at home. Dorothy L. Sayers more than sixty years ago--even before Second-wave Feminism—wrote Are Women Human? in which she noted that much of women’s restlessness happened after the mind-engaging work was taken from the domestic setting (international trade, equipment purchase, negotiation, people contact) and sent to factories. Couples began to see raising kids as women’s work rather than as a partnership (“moms parent; dads babysit”). On those few occasions when dads “babysat,” these inexperienced fathers found the job overwhelming. And people began to reason that women had some innate coping mechanism that made them uniquely suited to handle the whining and absence of intellectual interaction.
Often middle- and upper-class Christians say that the ideal is for moms to stay home, but that’s only half of it. The ideal is for both moms and dads to stay home. Now, that doesn’t mean they’re down on the floor playing with kids all day. Rather, they take their children along as they work, support the weak, and help the suffering.
We sometimes hold up Ward and June Cleaver’s set-up as the biblical ideal. We say “if only...” the church would return to “that wonderful time” when Ward headed to the office while June vacuumed in pearls and high heels... Truth is, the divorce rate shot up when men went to the factories and left their wives at home all day. The Industrial Revolution brought devastation to many families.
Some today understand Paul’s admonition that “if a man does not provide for his own, he is worse than an unbeliever” as a proof-text for the man-alone-as-breadwinner model (1 Timothy 5:8). The verse even has six male pronouns in many English translations. Yet Paul used the gender-neutral “someone” and “one’s own,” not “he/his.” And in the context he was speaking of widow-care. Ironically, the passage is more focused on women caring for mothers and mothers-in-law than on men providing (see 1 Tim 5:16). Imagine a culture with no nurses. Who bathes the patient? Paul’s talking about the family vs. the church caring for the elderly and infirm.
Questions about women’s economic contributions tell us something about our culture: We are rich. We may think we’re poor compared to Bill Gates, but more than two billion people live on less than two dollars a day. And I doubt if a single one of them wonders if it’s biblical for a woman to earn any income.
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Sandi, I'm so glad you engaged this topic. I've been thinking and praying about how to manage the responsibilities of writing, work and home when our baby arrives. Society and the church have lots of ideas about the "right way" for Christian women to raise their children and support their husbands. Very thoughtful post.
As a male, I agree completely. The institutional Christianity that I've experienced seems to focus so much on the wrong things. But this misaligned focus has an affect on men as well. Men are taught that they are supposed to do certain things and not do other things (you know, the woman's work).
In our marriage, we found that many of the expected male jobs, she did better than me, and vice versa. For some time I though that I had been feminized, wasn't living up to my Godly responsibility as a man, etc. Over time I learned that the expectations weren't from God, but from a system, and I want no part of that system.
Also, I agree with your view of the Industrial Revolution being a detriment to men and women alike. There are times when I am able to telecommute. On those days, I work harder, feel more fulfilled, and get to see my wife throughout the day. I love it.
As a basically lazy person, I'm interested in how we focus on the location of rather than the admonition to work! i.e. Work is part of our design which leads to the realization that laziness and inactivity don't lead to meaningful lives! I agree that transferring much of the satisfaction of work at home has led to dissatisfaction for many women. Thanks for this great dialog!
Sandi,
Thank you so much for addressing the issue of women's work in this blog. I was just talking about this topic with a friend of mine, and we marveled at how much the Industrial Revolution influences the way we read scripture, and apply it, today.
Skillful hands, strategic thinking, planning, and compassion are the marks of the Proverbs 31 woman. Those traits are played out individually, based on the God-given gifts each woman is given. Midwives in the book of Exodus used their professional skills to save lives. Esther wielded her royal status, beauty and prayer. Abigail employed quick wisdom and discretion. Mary had a willing and worshipful heart. The gifts of these women undeniably affected the welfare of their families and especially the men in their lives.
The ideal is that both men and women exercise their God-given gifts. Though their roles may change with circumstances (marriage, children, economic hardship or bounty, change of life, retirement, extended family issues), the family should work together.
Shared responsibility was the ideal, pre-Fall mandate given by God to the first man and woman. Why live under the curse if I’m free in Christ?
I have seen frustrating examples in agrarian communities much less affected by the Industrial Revolution, of men who relegate women to taxing tasks (fetching water, gathering wood, etc.) in order to drink, smoke and hang out. This imbalance is appalling, and does not reflect the Imago Dei. Neither does exalting a single paradigm of working, cast along gender lines, which result in the absence of men in households, and the relegation of all household responsibility to women. (When I was a single woman, I can't tell you how much the idealized role of "woman" - which was inextricably tied to being a stay-at-home wife and mother - damaged my sense of self. What if I never married? What if I never have children?)
Honestly, as an African-American woman, I share a history in this country where the luxury of staying at home was not one afforded to many of my race and gender. Not an option during slavery. Not an option as a share cropper. Not an option as a maid and nanny. As more opportunities open up in education and the work force, the goal has always been to seize those opportunities. To not work would be an insult to the sacrifices of parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents.
There is a segment of African-American women who choose to stay home with their children and not work...which is totally looked down on, because of the strain that choice places on governmental dollars. Socio-economic class plays a large role in whom we as evangelical Christians laud and whom we condemn.
I'm wondering what future generations will view as "circumstantial interpretation" when they look at how we behave today. (Sorry for the dissertation, Sandi. You struck a nerve.)
Your comment exudes wisdom. I'm glad you wrote it.
One thing that strikes me as pathetic (and ironic) about America's checkered past where women and African-Americans are concerned is this: Some middle- and upper-class whites believed the Bible taught that women should not work outside the home, yet these same citizens expected African-American women to leave their own children home alone so they could care for the white kids.
An eye-opening book (probably the best I read last year) on this topic is Gender and Jim Crow.
Excellent point about the entire family working at home. Sometimes I wish that boys could apprentice with their fathers still these days. I think that fewer fathers and sons would feel distant if they worked together.
Some good thoughts on this, ya'll. Thanks.
When my brother-in-law was a grad-school student, my sister taught, and he'd handle getting their girls to and from school each day. They live only seven blocks away from us, so I'd often see him walking home in the morning after delivering a child to her class. He'd have a smile on his face and a mug of coffee in his hand. And I'd think how fortunate those girls were to start each day having a walk with their dad.
Then In the past year my husband transitioned from going out to the office all day to working from our home. So now he handles getting our daughter to and from school daily in addition to being with her full-time when I travel. I look at their relationship now and rejoice that she, too, gets to spend so much time with her father.
Lots of proverbs talk about learning from both fathers and mothers. And it's tough to learn from an absent dad who lives at the office--often, as was said, not because he wants to.
Good Topic, Sandi. While I'm a stay-at-home mom, I wish I could find the right part-time or at-home work for me to contribute financially to our household (in ways other than coupon clipping and bargain hunting). I grew up in a family where my mom worked part-time as a nurse, and that was perfect for us and for her. Most companies/organizations now view employment as all-or-nothing, either you work full time or not at all. That's frustrating for a woman with a brain and an advanced degree. As much as I love my child, I don't love spending 24/7 with a toddler (and she's downright angelic), and I'm sure other moms feel that way, too. What exacerbates the problem is that the times you can get out of the house, it can end up being just more mommy stuff. Play groups (mommies), Bible study (more mommies), tumbling class, swim lessons (some more mommies), and so on. To get out alone with one of my single girlfriends or one who's my mother's age is a rare treat when we can focus on ministry, current events or our spiritual lives.
I'm sure it's also frustrating to men who wish they could be at home more with their families, that the demands of their employers keep them at the office for most of the time ... a societal ill that wonder if we'll ever figure out how to remedy.
Thanks for this, Sandi. I believe God created us all differently, and not every mom is called to stay home full-time, just as not every dad is called to work full-time. Every family needs to hear from God on this issue. :)
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