Yesterday, my husband not only washed a load of laundry, but he also folded said laundry and put it away.
The day before that, he helped me make cookies (and they fill my tummy with gastronomical joy! They are perfection molded in his hands).
He always leaves the toilet seat down.
Every day, he greets me with a wide grin when he comes home.
He tells me I am beautiful.
Why am I sharing this? Well, because I must rehearse the good and beautiful things about my husband at least twice as much as I think critical, damaging thoughts. I laugh thinking about how timely Paul's words in Philippians 4:8 must have been to Euodia and Syntyche: "whatever is true, whatever is worthy of respect, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if something is excellent or praiseworthy, think about these things." He had just admonished them to agree...so they were clearly not getting along.
Surprisingly enough, sometimes hubby and I don't get along either. The roots of our feuds are not earth-shattering; it's usually about one of us (me, most of the time) choosing to be "right" over being loving, or sensitive, or positive.
As I let the Lord's words concerning how I should love Jonathan as my husband and a fellow believer wash over me (verses like Song of Songs 8:6-7, John 17:22-23, 1 Corinthians 13:4-6, 1 Peter 4:7-11, or even - for kicks - 1 Peter 5:14), God's word admonishes and encourages me to rehearse constantly.
Rehearse the words of encouragement that I can share with Jonathan, as a gifted and uniquely created man. And tell him what I love about him and how he treats me (there's nothing like positive reinforcement!).
Repeatedly forgive so that he feels safe, and knows I find him trustworthy. And don't bring short-comings back up to wound him.
Romance him with intimacy, touch, and affection so he feels that there is no one else I would rather be with.
Read the Bible and pray with him, so that we are regularly submitted to the One who upholds the sanctity and life of our marriage, and receive inspiration and guidance from the Lord.
I can be a hard-headed and self-centered person, so I need concrete steps to care for Jonathan in a way that God smiles on. I'm so thankful for each moment that God gives us to rehearse how to love like He does.
Love Rehearsal
By Sharifa Stevens - Posted on July 1st, 2009
Tapestry features leading Christian writers and thinkers who have come together to engage culture from a biblical worldview. For more information about the contributors, please see the 
“Without pain, there would be no suffering, without suffering we would never learn from our mistakes. To make it right, pain and suffering is the key to all windows, without it, there is no way of life.”
Sharifa, thank you for sharing your heart and pointing us to what really matters...applying Godly truth- a good reminder. I am going to do that right now.... focus on the 95% that is right and push away the 5% I need to overlook. I surely want that reciprocally.
Just wanted you to know i'm still reading babe:) i love getting to know your thoughts this way!
Sharifa, I loved your words this morning. It makes me grin, thinking of Jonathan's greeting. He has a marvelous smile (and for readers not familiar, Jonathan is my dear cousin, so I am allowed to say that).
I am married to tender man. After nearly 11 years of marriage, I am finally realizing what that means. I am a little slow. You see, tenderness may have been a "nice to have", something that I said I wanted when it showed itself in ways that I could relate to, like thoughtful gifts, impromptu affection etc.. The true tender man, however, has a deeper more profound side to him. It's this deeper side of tenderness, that I find myself trampling on in my haste to be the woman people expect me to be.
After more than a decade of marriage, it's easy to step all over the tenderness that drew you to someone. It's becomes easier to leave THEIR laundry in baskets to put away or to prefer sleep over affection. It's shockingly simple to go days without checking in on their spirit. Then, you add two little bodies that require constant vigilence and affection and a man's tenderness can almost seem, inconvenient. I just assume so much.
It is the greatest gift a man can give a woman, for tenderness leads to humility, passion, discipline and even gentle humor! I have challenged myself to be a better steward of that gift. With each passing year of marriage, I want to love him more - even those needs that his tenderness creates within him. I need to tell the world and it's insane demands to "hush, right now I am tending to a precious man!"
Sharifa, I honestly needed to read this and read it RIGHT now, even though you posted weeks ago. As women we really are sometimes about the problems (focused on what needs fixing) instead of appreciating and nurturing what's right and right there. I'm bookmarking this for the reminder.
Shannon - ditto to you. Thanks for your honesty so I could see myself clearly in your comments. It such a fast paced world and I get so caught up in all of it and wanting him to join that pace that I sometimes forget that it's his stillness that I need the most. I'm going to log off and go hug him now.
(PS he leaves my laundry, but that's because we've agreed he won't shrink any more of my clothes and i'll appreciate that his thoughts are in the right place!)
Oh my goodness, Shannon - the laundry example? I am totally guilty of that! There's some consolation in knowing I am not the only woman on earth who has done that.
I especially appreciate the line where you talk about "trampling" on tenderness in an effort to be a better woman. How ironic that sometimes our most heroic efforts to be the ideal woman can take us way out in the other direction.
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