Richard,

Let me start by commending your faithfulness in the midst of the struggle. My heart breaks that you were treated like this. As my wife says, it is the one sin (for men) that no one wants to talk about.

Let me be clear on one thing: While the struggle is not at all what it once was, I don't claim it is gone. But I can say I have found something better that truly satisfies. To get involved with another man would be living a lie, not my being joined with my wife.

How did I get here? Well, 10 years of meeting with a godly counselor was a huge part. He helped me work through a number of issues in my life. His focus was not on my sexual feelings but on my developing a deep love for Christ and a willingness to walk by faith and enter into my struggles. Rather than burying them, I had to walk into them. I had to face issues about my parents, about my own choices, and about where I found life.

I don't know how God will work in others lives. But I strongly believe that far more than 15% can experience the freedom I have found. That will look different in each case. And I don't mean to imply, Richard, that you have done something wrong and have failed to find that freedom. But I do think there is hope for those who struggle.

Bottom line, it is all about grace. Grace that is greater than my sin. I loved how Mark Saucy, a Bible professor, put it in a sermon I recently heard (as best as I can remember it): "Our essential identity as Christians is formed by Christ and the Gospel, not by our own personalities, backgrounds, or achievements. Our standing with Christ does not depend on the degree to which we live up to His expectations. "

For all who are believers and struggle, know this: Christ's eyes are filled with compassion and love, not condemnation and rage, when he looks at you.

Jim